I read a blog article that I didn't really like about the perfect wife and mother. I thought I'd share my version of the imperfect mother. Only read if you are imperfect like me and have a sense of humor!
A Good Mother
A good mother would never yell at her children.
A good mother never yell at her children while in a car lot, to unlock the van doors because said mother locked her children and her keys in said van.
A good mother would not expect her 3 year old to remember how to unlock the doors while her mother is yelling at her, even though she’s played with the locks many times before.
A good mother would never yell at her children while holding the phone and accidentally dialing 911.
A good mother would never leave in the middle of a story to answer the door for the police while wondering what the neighbors did now, and why they wanted to ask her about it.
A good mother wouldn’t be totally surprised to find the police are correct when they tell her that she has an open line to 911 and there was yelling.
A good mother would never yell at her children.
A good mother never yell at her children while in a car lot, to unlock the van doors because said mother locked her children and her keys in said van.
A good mother would not expect her 3 year old to remember how to unlock the doors while her mother is yelling at her, even though she’s played with the locks many times before.
A good mother would never yell at her children while holding the phone and accidentally dialing 911.
A good mother would never leave in the middle of a story to answer the door for the police while wondering what the neighbors did now, and why they wanted to ask her about it.
A good mother wouldn’t be totally surprised to find the police are correct when they tell her that she has an open line to 911 and there was yelling.
A good mother wouldn’t still be wondering 8 years later how that happened.
A good mother never laughs and scolds her children at the same time.
A good mother never laughs when her sons first 6 word sentence contains the word d*mmit; said in context.
A good mother doesn’t hide the dead baby rabbit in the woods while the children are sleeping, then tell them the rabbit was ready to go back in the wild.
A good mother doesn’t give in to the children crying that they didn’t get to see it one more time, go back into the woods, and take a picture of herself holding the dead baby rabbit.
A good mother doesn’t let her children carry around a picture of a dead baby rabbit, while her not so dumb children continue to wonder how the baby rabbit, that was fed with a dropper, was suddenly old enough to fend for himself.
A good mother wouldn’t confess several days later because her children wouldn’t stop asking questions.
A good mother never forgets to make lunch.
A good mother never hits her baby’s head on the doorframe while walking through the door way.
A good mother never drops a large baby out of an over full laundry basket because she thought that would be the easiest way to get both up the stairs.
A good mother doesn’t get sidetracked while teaching spelling and trimming strings on her sewing.
A good mother doesn’t give a spelling word like this… “sea gull. Mrs. Smith fed the sea gull a Cheezit with her toes. Cheezit.”
A good mother knows why her kids are laughing. Cheezit is not the spelling word.
A good mother doesn’t eat brownies for breakfast, while telling her children they are having oatmeal for breakfast because it’s good for them.
A good mother doesn’t quickly leave a public restroom without flushing or washing her hands because her child, who is in the stall with her, loudly announces in a shocked voice “MOM, you have hair on your….”
A good mother shouldn’t assume that children won’t suddenly notice things even though you’ve been sharing a bathroom for x number of years.
A good mother never takes a shower while the kids are outside doing the chores, because the neighbors very large puppy will decide to come play with the chickens aka rip them apart, while screaming children have shut themselves in the hen house; leaving poor children to wait for rescue till good mother is done taking her leisurely shower.
A good mother does not take her children outside in the winter without coats and shoes.
A good mother does not try to make the non-ambulatory baby walk while carrying the 2 year old outside in the winter without coats and shoes.
A good mother does not catch the house on fire making it necessary to take the children outside without coats and shoes while getting sidetracked and thinking the baby can walk.
A good mother doesn’t startle the neighbor by yelling, “Call 911. My house is on fire,” causing her neighbor to think she’s kidding, because she just walked across the street from her house; until said neighbor realizes the crazy mom has her children outside in the winter without coats and shoes and is trying to make the baby walk.
A good mother doesn’t start a fire twice in one day by trying to melt candles. A good mother will look back and see if the fire put itself out before taking children outside without coats and shoes and having the neighbor call 911.
A good mother never pretends that she’s perfect when her children know she’s not.
A good mother WILL ALWAYS laugh at her mistakes!
Written and experience by this “good” mother!
A good mother never laughs and scolds her children at the same time.
A good mother never laughs when her sons first 6 word sentence contains the word d*mmit; said in context.
A good mother doesn’t hide the dead baby rabbit in the woods while the children are sleeping, then tell them the rabbit was ready to go back in the wild.
A good mother doesn’t give in to the children crying that they didn’t get to see it one more time, go back into the woods, and take a picture of herself holding the dead baby rabbit.
A good mother doesn’t let her children carry around a picture of a dead baby rabbit, while her not so dumb children continue to wonder how the baby rabbit, that was fed with a dropper, was suddenly old enough to fend for himself.
A good mother wouldn’t confess several days later because her children wouldn’t stop asking questions.
A good mother never forgets to make lunch.
A good mother never hits her baby’s head on the doorframe while walking through the door way.
A good mother never drops a large baby out of an over full laundry basket because she thought that would be the easiest way to get both up the stairs.
A good mother doesn’t get sidetracked while teaching spelling and trimming strings on her sewing.
A good mother doesn’t give a spelling word like this… “sea gull. Mrs. Smith fed the sea gull a Cheezit with her toes. Cheezit.”
A good mother knows why her kids are laughing. Cheezit is not the spelling word.
A good mother doesn’t eat brownies for breakfast, while telling her children they are having oatmeal for breakfast because it’s good for them.
A good mother doesn’t quickly leave a public restroom without flushing or washing her hands because her child, who is in the stall with her, loudly announces in a shocked voice “MOM, you have hair on your….”
A good mother shouldn’t assume that children won’t suddenly notice things even though you’ve been sharing a bathroom for x number of years.
A good mother never takes a shower while the kids are outside doing the chores, because the neighbors very large puppy will decide to come play with the chickens aka rip them apart, while screaming children have shut themselves in the hen house; leaving poor children to wait for rescue till good mother is done taking her leisurely shower.
A good mother does not take her children outside in the winter without coats and shoes.
A good mother does not try to make the non-ambulatory baby walk while carrying the 2 year old outside in the winter without coats and shoes.
A good mother does not catch the house on fire making it necessary to take the children outside without coats and shoes while getting sidetracked and thinking the baby can walk.
A good mother doesn’t startle the neighbor by yelling, “Call 911. My house is on fire,” causing her neighbor to think she’s kidding, because she just walked across the street from her house; until said neighbor realizes the crazy mom has her children outside in the winter without coats and shoes and is trying to make the baby walk.
A good mother doesn’t start a fire twice in one day by trying to melt candles. A good mother will look back and see if the fire put itself out before taking children outside without coats and shoes and having the neighbor call 911.
A good mother never pretends that she’s perfect when her children know she’s not.
A good mother WILL ALWAYS laugh at her mistakes!
Written and experience by this “good” mother!
By the way, a good police officer, with a tiny fire extinguisher, will have watched Backdraft before asking a frantic mother to go back into a not-so-burning building to show him where the fire is.
And a good secretary would take the message to tell my husband that his house is on fire instead of just handing him the phone that I forgot to hang up. After Hubby tried to get my attention over my sobbing, he finally heard the sirens and decided he better hurry home.
Hope this gave ya'll a good laugh!
~Stella
2 comments:
Love this - laughing very hard, not that I have ever done anything like this, never :)
Thanks, I was starting to think it was just me!
Are you the romie that won the True Vine Soap? If so did you receive it? I cannot access your profile, or see your blog.
~Stella
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